i'm learning how

it was the first time i've seen you in over a year. the last time i saw you i cried until it felt like i had been turned inside out. i wondered if i would do that again tonight. you were still the same beautiful man i used to know... that i used to kiss... that i used to hold at night while we slept. you have moved on and made a new life in a place far away. i am still here, holding on to things that have decayed and no longer work. we didn't touch the past and you only spoke of your future, the one that doesn't include me. i could only listen and try to imagine what it's like to have nothing but hope and possibilities. you had a new tattoo and a thousand stories... i have a new TV and a subscription to netflix. as hard as it was to see you tonight, the hardest part was seeing me through your eyes. even in the dim candlelight i know i looked old, insecure and desperate. in the parking lot we hugged and said goodbye. you wished me luck with whatever i needed to do with my life... i would rather you have just told me the truth.